I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
