Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
