I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize