it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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