So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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