After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
