I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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