His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My cat gives me a boner
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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