the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
