I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize