she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
whose ass print is on the piano?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Holy sore nipples Batman
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
