The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
