So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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