Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
