I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I could make wine with my vomit
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
