I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
