I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
