ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
