I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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