As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
