Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize