haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and i looked up. we had an audience...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
