omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
