The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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