ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize