you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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