the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
