If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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