Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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