I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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