Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
