i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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