she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I would fuck him just for his dog
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
