a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
