Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
