I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
