apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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