Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
