so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
