I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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