So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
