he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You pole danced in your parka.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
