I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize