You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
