Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
