Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
