apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
