1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
