we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
