I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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