New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
