I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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