I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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