is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
