mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
