she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
