I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
