dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
