dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
