the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
