We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
