Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
