So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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