Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
