That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
