sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
