rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
