I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
